Embracing Imperfection: The Hard Work of Being Human

Some days, it is hard to be human. There are so many mental and emotional experiences happening simultaneously. For some, it can be sensory overload. For this reason, I have minimized my exposure to the news and limited my time to access social media. Over time, human exposure to information has grown exponentially. In today's post, we discuss the complexity of being human and how our world can be hard to navigate without connection.

Social animals

Our ancestry shows that humans were built to be social animals. We need to be around others to survive and thrive.  Over time, humans have developed groups and tribes to support one another and live by the norms or rules identified by the times. A post in the American Psychological Association listed 12 emerging areas psychologists will tend to focus on in 2024. I'm curious to see what the trend will be in 2025. The topics include:

• Misinformation in an election year

• Evolution of Generative AI

• Struggles in higher education

• Policy trends for women and LGBTQ+ populations

• Psychologist and EDI work

• Mental Health care is in high demand.

• Meaning and Stability in Work Environments

• Tackling substance abuse

• More psychologists in schools

• Monetizing healthcare

• Clinical practice

• Brain health and aging

These topics cover a wide range of interests, needs, and differences of opinion. Each impacts our social environments in various ways. Each of these subjects identifies with a part of why it is hard to be human. It's complex and messy, and there is not one correct answer to move forward.

Adaptation

As our species has evolved, we have adapted to our surroundings and the evolution of technology with the times. In recent years, this evolution has made leaps and bounds. This can explain why, as a forty-year-old, I am astounded at the capability of my three-year-old to use my phone with precision and ease.

Our ability to adapt to our surroundings is beyond that of any other being. AI is also an example of our species' capability to program electronic predictability to anticipate our next move or our thought process with items such as Chat GPT.

In some ways, these advances and adaptations have helped our species evolve to where we are now. Take amoxicillin, for example. The development of medication and medical treatments has allowed us to live longer, more capable lives.

This advancement has also created an adverse effect by minimizing the emotional and social interaction we are exposed to now. The loneliness epidemic, among countless other developments, can account for correlations in the rise of mental health concerns, conversations, resources, policies, etc.

The point is that we will do what is necessary to continue our species.  Our innate and animalistic nature to survive has motivated us to develop some of the most innovative creations.

Environmental exposure

As a mother, I am constantly reminded of my innate maternal instinct. This internal radar scans my environment for harmful situations or scenarios.  Similarly, as a species, we have evolved to look for potential dangers to avoid injury or even death. Our ancestors utilized these capabilities to avert imminent danger. As our species evolved, we have changed our environmental exposure to identify with the times.  Our ancestors spent a great deal outdoors. Exposure to natural light developed our need for sunlight and warmth. As our environment changed, our interests and needs developed as well.

There are also cyclical environmental exposures. I see this with my kids. As a young girl, I often played outdoors with my friends in our neighborhood. Before I had kids, those of my friends who had children would share concerns regarding their exposure to games and television.

The evolution of technology has played a massive role in the changes in how we socialize. As a species in the early 1900s, we would get together in person to celebrate, relax, and come together over meals or drinks. Sporting events, music festivals, and concerts became the social catalysts of my parents' era.  Once technology took off in the 80s and 90s, we saw a shift in how we interacted.

Our environment again shifted towards TV shows and evening television with our families. As this environment grew, so did technology and interest in it. Once the Ethernet was born, a whole new world emerged. As a college freshman, I can remember interacting with the first iteration of Instant Messenger and email. At the time, these communication and connection methods were minimal and clunky at best. If you’ve never heard the fantastic sound of dial-up, please do. It’s lovely.

Today, my students connect solely through technological interaction: texting, apps, social media outlets, etc. Email is almost obsolete, which is weird. For them, it is normal and a part of everyday life. I watch my children, both under ten, use applications I am still learning with ease and better understanding than I do.

What we are exposed to in our environment can impact the way we give and receive communication. Most of all, it can affect our ability to connect with others.  Our awareness of this can also impact our frustration with intergenerational loss of connection.

I often work to see others’ points of view and develop an understanding of their perspective. Putting ourselves in others' environments can positively impact our connections with others. We can also identify with someone outside our perspective, which can be complicated.

Creating a narrative

I find it challenging when I talk with my students, who show zero interest in my emails or the need to read information.  When we are in this space of frustration, it can be helpful to take a step back and look at the narrative we have created for the situation.

The narrative we create for ourselves can often differ because of our perspective. Being mindful of this when conversing with others can help us open up to new ideas and/or different ways of thinking. This is often easier said than done.

When we adhere to a specific narrative, we often cannot perceive other perspectives or points of view, which can limit our current experience.

Creating a narrative can also be helpful when trying to identify our viewpoint and share it with someone else. It can develop a framework for approaching our ideals. An example of this can be seen in the workforce. We each have an idea of the person we want to portray professionally. A narrative identifies that person we tell ourselves about who we are. We often have a different or more guarded persona we wish to convey professionally. That narrative impacts who we show up to be and how we manage stress in the workplace. It is a framework for who we are at work. Professional, respectful, supportive, hard-working, intuitive, intellectual, all of these become a part of our narrative.

Perhaps we carry a different narrative of who we are in our home life, so that person acts in other ways than we would at work. For some, the two are the same. Perhaps we are more charismatic, emotional, loving, or caring at home. Our environments can dictate the narrative we create. This is a powerful thing because sometimes the environment takes over the narrative we create, thus dictating our social interactions or behaviors around others. This can become complicated when social norms are violated.

Norms

Social norms are implicit (unwritten) rules that determine what is expected of individuals in certain situations. They are shared standards of acceptable behavior by a group and can vary from culture to culture. Norms play into the narratives we build because they are, in a sense, created by the norms of our society.

What is okay and not okay, as well as how we conduct ourselves, is a part of the group norms. We either go along with what is expected or against it. One may not necessarily be better or worse. Each has its independent challenges. A part of connecting with others is identifying which side we stand on. Are we on the side of following norms, or do we stray a bit away from what is typically expected? Or are we somewhere in the middle, depending on the environment?

One way we connect with those around us is by identifying the social norms in our surroundings. An example of this can be seen during travel to foreign countries. The norms of each social setting can be similar but have different expectations, formal meanings, and so on.

Norms transcend communities. We have social norms in each group we are a part of. We see social norms in family units, teams, organizations, living communities, states, territories, countries, and even continental norms. We likely stick out for endearing or unfavorable reasons when we defy norms. Social norms often connect us before language is even spoken. A simple handshake, bow, or undefined greeting can informally or formally connect us before speaking.

Becoming educated about the norms within each area we live or visit often comes from doing them incorrectly and learning from our mistakes. Right away, we all faltered and looked to correct a misunderstanding. As young children, our parents teach us the norms of the society in which we live. As we grow into young adults, we are defined by the social norms surrounding us. This can be complicated and, at times, hard to navigate. Even into adulthood, we learn social norms as we navigate the world, which constantly changes and requires us to adapt and learn.

These ever-evolving expectations are common and can create uncertainty in navigating our surroundings. Thus, being human is challenging and complex. When we embrace the challenge of social norms, understand them, navigate them, and learn them, we enable our uniqueness to emerge.

Uniqueness

Human beings are uniquely wired to be unlike any other human on this earth. Statistically, those numbers are staggering. Each time a baby is born, there is only one person with that unique genetic code on this planet of more than eight billion people. Research has shown that, in most cases, this is also true for identical twins. A study in 2021 discovered that over 300 pairs of identical twins on 38 had perfectly similar DNA.

This is to say we are unique. However, the norms we create in our social environments can sometimes diminish the necessity of our uniqueness, creating a sense that we want to be like the group and follow in line with what our surrounding norms expect of us. This can make breaking apart from those norms more complex and less likely to comfort us.

Uniqueness plays a considerable role in our society. It is often the birthplace of innovation and creativity, developing new perspectives and different viewpoints. Uniqueness allows us to identify how we contribute to the world. There is a balance to utilizing uniqueness in a productive way that moves our society forward. Creating value in independent thought while supporting a role that promotes togetherness and the greater good is difficult to do.

Thus, we have yet to master our capability to do so. Timing and balance are everything. Anything is good in moderation, but extremes emerge if we lean too hard one way or another. So, where is our balance in identifying our unique place within this world we love and want to thrive in? The answer comes from how we identify meaning to the world around us.

Meaning making machines

I once heard this phrase, which doesn't make much sense out of context: "The world is empty and meaningless, and we are meaning-making machines." We constantly filter the world around us. We make meaning of everything we feel, see, hear, say, and do. Think about that for a minute.

Think of a time when the world happened, and we tried to make meaning of it. For any large-scale historic or iconic event, we consistently provide commentary, explanations, definitions, or reasons why these things happen. We are the only beings who give meaning to what happens around us to process it.

Animals exist. They don't need to provide meaning to survive. The ability to process and deliver meaning is ultimately the most significant element that complicates our existence. Does that make us wrong? No. It simply complicates our existence.

How does our need to provide meaning connect us with those around us? It might be questioned if that meaning is identified differently or if we step outside our social norms to give meaning to our existence. Ultimately, we are in charge of providing meaning to our existence. Perhaps that is why it complicates our existence.

Remember that you are human the next time you wonder why life is so hard. It's normal. We are social beings with societal norms who experience different environments, often creating our narratives and trying to provide meaning in the process. Being human is hard. Let's embrace that and support each other in the process. With grace and a few jokes, because laughter makes everything better, acknowledge that being human in this world can be challenging. Connecting can help lighten that load.

Have courage, and take the next step. See you on the other side! If you like this post and want to learn more, visit our website for additional resources or tools to connect with yourself or those you love.