Falling Together: Insights on Relationships from the Trust Fall Exercise

Accelerations on roller coasters, drops in elevators, and dips in airplanes all have something in common: a trust fall. How can we relate what happens in those moments of a trust fall to our connections with others? Read on to find out more.

Think of when you reached a point in a relationship where you've established trust. You have given yourself entirely to someone, which has either worked out or not. Moving forward, we wonder what went wrong or why this worked. If we relate our connections to the act of a trust fall, five components come to light.

Hope or Excitement

At the beginning of a relationship or when we first connect with someone, we often see ourselves down the road with this person. We imagine success or a developed relationship, so what do we feel? Most of us feel excitement or anticipation of what we think happiness feels like. I would call this wishful expectation for something great to happen. Imagine the butterflies someone feels before taking the fall in an exercise or dropping into a rollercoaster ride.

This element of hope or excitement allows us to look forward to or imagine our future by connecting with this person. It could be the beginning of a great work deal or a new romance. Even the birth of a child can be a reason we look forward to writing our story and the journey to come.

Developing Trust

We must choose the next step of our trust fall exercise. That choice is a decision we trust what is to come. Why does trust matter? When we take the fall in a trust fall exercise, we trust the people underneath us. Trust can take many forms when connecting with others. It typically looks like an unspoken agreement between people.

Trust requires vulnerability, and this can be complicated for people. As human beings, we need interaction to survive. The fear of being denied interaction and social support from others can be an underlying reason it feels safer to avoid the risk. That avoidance or past hurt can also lead us to question our trust in people. It takes courage to trust people. That courage requires releasing control over others (not that we have power in the first place). Nevertheless, our perception of control tends to push us into patterns of behavior. These patterns are determined by our past experiences or what we know versus the unknown.

Trusting in itself requires us to walk into the unknown. Taking the step to trust someone perhaps requires breaking our pattern of behavior. Some would say we have to have faith that the situation will work out in our favor. When we trust people, we let go of our perceived control over our lives.

Letting Go

To trust, we have to be able to let go of control. Man, this one is hard. In essence, control is an illusion. We strive for control and impact in our lives. We are looking for meaning and purpose in our everyday lives. In actuality, we have zero control over what happens in our lives. Anyone who has seen the 'Final Destination' movies knows what I mean.

Getting wrapped up in our actions and the likelihood that our decisions make a difference can be accessible. On some level, they make us safer or feel more protected, although ultimately, we can't see everything coming. Life requires some element of trust, as do our relationships and connections. We must trust that the people in our lives won't leave us high and dry in a moment of vulnerability, whether we have an important board meeting, go to a parent outing, or are building a relationship with our significant other.

Letting go releases the need to spend energy worrying about what we cannot control. We can't control the way someone responds to us. We can't control other cars on the road. We can't control how our boss will respond to our pitch at the office. We definitely can't control any trolls online waiting to tear us down.

Once we stop spending energy on our worries, we can begin to put that energy into what matters, developing the connections and relationships we want.

Safeguarding Our Vulnerability

No one wants to be caught with their pants down. That feeling where everyone can see you in a vulnerable moment also takes courage. Humans need to feel safe and secure to open up. In any interaction, we often look for security first. Support from others, encouragement, and reinforcement of our decisions are all examples of ways we look for security in our relationships.

Think about a time when you were getting to know someone. Each of us has a representative of who we are. This person is who we present to the world until we feel safe enough to show them who we indeed are. The confidence to share our true selves essentially comes from a feeling of security in ourselves and our capabilities.

Vulnerability is different from confidence. Vulnerability is like a window into our being. It is only seen from the outside if we open it up to others. The rest of the world sees what we present on the outside, and only a few can view the inner workings of who we are. The fun part of this is EVERYONE has a vulnerability window. We go through our day trying to decide to whom we want to open that window. Security is a part of that equation. It means more to some than others; however, tending to our vulnerability and our need for security to do so determines how we connect with the world around us.

Growth and Learning

What if we don't like how we show up for the world? What if we want to show more or less but are unsure how to do that? This is where growth and learning come in. Think of the human body and its ability to adapt. Our minds and bodies are extraordinary; they were designed to adapt so we would survive. Thus, humans need social activity and connection to thrive.

Why are growth and learning meaningful, and how do they come into play when discussing hope, vulnerability, trust, and courage to let go? Well, we don't always get these things right the first time. Growth and learning are the keys to this trust fall exercise. Because when we get it wrong, and ultimately we all do, the learning and growth that comes from our mistakes allow us to move forward and try again to trust, let go, and have hope moving forward.

Right, I'm sure you thought growth and learning were the end of our trust fall exercise. Nope! It is just the beginning of the cycle all over again. We trust we fall, fail, and get up and try again. We presented a presentation at work and missed a few key points. Our proposal is denied; we learn from it and come back again. We go through a relationship; things don't work out. We understand, we grow, we try again. This is evolution. We adapt and move forward with the ability to retain our experience for learning and growth.

Conclusion

Ultimately, a trust fall exercise can allow us to connect with others in our learning experiences to trust, let go, and have hope in all facets of life. That is part of the human experience.

How does this all relate to connection with others? Well, we don't have to experience these things alone. Regardless of how life feels in the moment, someone out there has been through it and knows where you are—right now.

What areas of your life could benefit from more trust fall exercises? How do these exercises allow you to connect with yourself and others more deeply?

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